(This article appeared in the Jan edition of International BTG)

Face to face with frustration

Not getting what you want? Perhaps its good for you.

“Please cancel my tickets; I won’t be able to come,” I hung the phone and sank into the bed, my head in my hands. The trip to Puri and Mayapur I had been looking for was now cancelled.

Past few weeks in my life had been very turbulent, so when my friends proposed a spiritual retreat to the holy dhams, I jumped at the offer hoping for a welcome break. Not now. My stringent schedule was not loosening its grip on me. “Damn it!” I swore. I shot from the bed, threw my pillow to the ground, and pulled out the bed sheet. I heaved the coir mattress and wanted to fling it too but it was too heavy. I dropped it half on the floor, stomped out of the room, went into the bathroom,and stood with my arms bent over the sink. Breathing heavily I stared down at the dark drain. A while later, tears dripped in it. I was frustrated—angry and helpless—because I was unable to drive my lifeaccording to my desires. My mind was swirling like a dry leaf caught in a hurricane.There was no one to talk to, no way to sort out things. I had reached a dead end.

Light in the abyss

I had to come out of the mess. But I needed help, therefore,I turned to my old and tested remedy to find solutions for life’s incessant problems—scripturesand devotional talks. As always I found direction. Teachings from the scriptures gave me a perspective to understand my situation and make peace with it. It’s inevitable that all of us will some time find ourselves face to face with frustration.Some people advocate venting out our frustration by going to an empty field and shouting curses or visiting a dump-yard to break window panes of rejected vehicles. You can do that. Or you can choose to ponder over some jewels from the timeless Vedic teachings that may help us during these turbulent times. 

Here are my lifelines:

1.       Don’t brood: I mean stop meditating about the thing over and over again.

Unfulfilled desires have a strange habit. Unlike most of the thousand other thoughts that arise in our mind and then vaporize in thin air, unfulfilled desires hover around the mind like a hot air balloon anchored to the earth. The more we think about them, more strongly they tether to our consciousness, refusing to leave, and making it increasingly effortless to think of them. It becomes a vicious cycle. And when you are unable to satisfy their demands, they bring their buddies—Anger and Frustration—who are so expert in making you miserable.  The Gita (2.62) warns us against such moodily musings: “While contemplating the objects of the senses, a person develops attachment for them, and from such attachment lust develops, and from lust anger arises.”

So the first solution is—thinkof something else. Make yourself busy. Don’t keep an ideal mind which is ransacked by devilish thoughts.

2.       Wait for the good times:The eighth canto of SrimadBhagwatamnarrates a story in which the demons attack the demigods. Although the demigods are the “good guys” in the cosmic hierarchy, and one would expect them to win against the evil forces, strangely they find themselves no match to the vastly superior demoniac army. Helpless, they approach the Supreme Lord. The Lord, instead of helping them win the war, advices them to declare a truce with the demons, until time favored them.

There are times when anything we touch turns to dust. Our projects fail, people misunderstand us, we don’t get credit for the good things we do, get blamed for wrongs others do, our relationships become sour, academics plummet, and careers crash. Nothing –absolutelynothing—works.

Then instead of getting restless, we should remember Lord’s instruction to declare truce with life, until time favors us.

Lord Krishna emphasizes the quality of tolerance and impermanence of good and bad times in Gita 2.14: “O son of Kunté, the nonpermanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, O scion of Bharata, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed.”

As a philosopher said, “Good times, bad times, all times, pass over.” 

3.       Persevere:Patiently tolerating adverse times does not mean we should give up our efforts. The founder acharya of ISKCON, SrilaPrabhupada brilliantly exemplifies the quality of perseverance in times of frustration. During the early days of ISKCON, he was soliciting help from numerous people to build the first Radha- Krishna temple in New York. He sought help from his influential Godbrothers, piously inclined Indian business magnets, the Government of India,butno one helped him. He was seventy, with modest means, no contacts, and hardly any follower, yet he did not give up. His perseverance saw the emergence of not one but more than a hundred Krishna temples and centers world-wide within a decade.

4.There might be a Higher plan: Sometimes the efforts we put in one project may not fetch us the expected returns. But then Lord Krishna may reward ussomewhere else. A few years back I was part of the travelling sankirtan bus party that distributed SrilaPrabhupada’s book sets in factories. We were trying very hard in the capital of an Indian state, trying to meet VIPs, political leaders, police chiefs etc., with the hope of placing bulk orders of books. But nothing seemed to work out. I remember walking into 18 companies in a day and getting a ‘No’ everywhere.

Later, I stayed in the area to co-ordinate book distribution, while my senior colleague went to another area. And whoa! The new area turned out to be a goldmine. He met a highly placed person who arranged many top companies for us where we distributed hundreds of book sets.

5. Be detached: While randomly opening the pages of Bhagwad Gita, I came across text 9.7, where the Lord says, “O son of Kunté, at the end of the millennium all material manifestations enter into My nature, and at the beginning of another millennium, by My potency, I create them again.”

I pondered, “Within this unlimitedly vast creation and unlimited stretch of time, where do me and my tiny problem stand.” I heaved a breath of relief.

6.Krishna knows the best: Lord Krishna is like the affectionate father who gives us what we need, not what we want. Often something that we ask for could be harmful for us, so God does not give it. Or by denying us what we want, He may be giving us a chance to grow internally. He knows what the best is for us. And He is the controller, not us. It’s prudent to be patient and keep faith in His good judgment.

7. Accept the situation with humility: In a lecture my spiritual master, His Holiness Radhanath Swami Maharaja, explained how to accept frustrating situations with humility. “One of the greatest illusions,” he said, “is the pride that we deserve what we want. Humility means I deserve nothing. I deserve the worst. Whatever I get is better than what I deserve. A humble person is grateful for whatever he gets. If good comes, with folded palms we say, ‘Thank you Krishna you are so kind. You are a loving father.’If suffering comes in our lives, with tears in the heart we will say, ‘Krishna youare so kind I deserve so much worse. This is just what I require for my purification.’

“Theegoistic person always thinksI deserve better. But the humble person thinks everything is the causeless mercy of the Lord.If you are grateful to Krishna and you are reciprocating with loving feeling with Krishna in every circumstance of your life, you will never be disturbed. Thatis humility. The one qualification which makes us eligible for joy and peace in the state of liberation is that we expect nothing, that we deserve nothing. Thereforewith gracious heart we thank Lord Krishna for everything that comes. Lord Caitanyaprays in the Shikshastakam, ‘MyLord if you want You can embrace me; if You want You can make me broken hearted by not being present before me; if You want You can trample upon me. I am Your servant and You have every right to deal with me in any way You please.’

“If you can become humble you will be peaceful;you will be joyful, peaceful, and full of bliss 24 hours of the day, because happiness is not what we have or get, happiness is the disposition of the heart.”

A Continuous Challenge

Although I have compiled this list, I must say I still find keeping sane in face of frustration a continuous challenge. But the foundation of spiritual teachings helps facing the adverse hurricanes of life.In this regard, SrimadBhagwatam teaches us a wonderful lesson through the life of Avanti Brahman. Once a multi-millionaire, he lost all his wealth and was subsequently shunned by his family and friends. People treated him brutally, yet he found solace in taking shelter of God. In a stanza of a song he composed, he spoke about his realizations, “These people are not the cause of my happiness and distress. Neither are the demigods, my own body, the planets, my past work, or time. Rather, it is the mind alone that causes happiness and distress and perpetuates the rotation of material life.”  SB 11.23.42

An attached mind is a source of suffering; but a mind focused on transcendence, fixed on Krsna is always in state of happiness.
Annadambudhivardhanam. Happiness comes as by product of love of krsna. The prime
all humanity is chanting of benediction for Lord’s holy names. There is no other way in this age to purify our mind, to make it our best friend. When the mind is purified than the heart blossomslike a lotus. We see Lord Krishna everywhere and and we see His love in everything and everyone. We should pire to be in such a spiritual state of consciousness.